Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize