I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
