You made me cry and you don't even care
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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