Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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