Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize