i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.