this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me