Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
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I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
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You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home