Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
