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My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
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