My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
