on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
