Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
