ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i've created a new STD.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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