hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
