Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
