I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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