All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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