Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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