Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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