So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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