Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
