Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
