There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
