Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
