i would punch a child for taco bell
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
