We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
