the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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