Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
