I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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