hotel room ftw
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
