No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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