I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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