i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You're like the curious george of whores
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
