I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My cat gives me a boner
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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