Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
