I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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