The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
