you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's never too late to be topless.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
