I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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