i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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