I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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