I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
