He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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