What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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