I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
