the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
