Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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