Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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