Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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