But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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