Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Houston, we have a blender
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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