I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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