dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
