my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
