So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
