She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
