I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
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How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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