Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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