My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
