Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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