I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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