So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
