We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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