Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
