I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
