so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
