i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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