So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
