I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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