I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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