The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
